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You Might be a Democrat, if...
You vote Democrat because it's easier than getting a job!
You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.
You've named your kids "Stardust" or "Moonbeam."
You've tried to argue that all of society's problems are based
on the fact that McDonald's, by law, only has to pay $5 an hour.
If you utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" at least once a week.
If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner's rights."
If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone
finally said it right" during an episode of Oprah.
You call the execution of a homicidal maniac "murder" but call murder "pro-choice."
You've ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a conversation.
You know you never laughed as a kid; the world was in too bad a shape.
All of your 1970's "Beware of Global Freezing" signs now have "Beware of Global Warming" on the back.
Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Grateful Dead show; but, you're not sure what year you saw them.
You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating that your bags are subject to inspection.
You've ever argued that "you can't legislate morality."
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You Might Be A Republican, if...
You celebrate "Thanksgiving" as "The day we showed those Godless
Heathens how it's gonna work 'round these parts"!
You cheer for the British in "Braveheart."
You actually voted on the Elvis stamp controversy -- hey, he was friends with Nixon!
You view immigrants as "unwashed parasites," minorities as "leeches on the government," but a four-celled wad of protoplasm is a "citizen," a "life," and a "victim of pagan lesbian feminists."
You think the only thing "wrong" that happened in Vietnam is that we didn't nuke the f*%# outta those gooks!
You would NEVER consider that John Wayne might have had a few "issues."
You make an annual pilgrimage to spit on Barry Goldwater's grave.
You make an annual pilgrimage to mourn the passing of Heritage USA.
You sent money to save Oral Roberts from God's death threats.
You think the only people who collect unemployment, welfare, WIC, SSI, or food stamps are black or Hispanic, illiterate, have 17 illegitimate children, and live in the projects and drive a Cadillac to pick up their checks from the gum'mint.
You think that Asians are the only good immigrants, since they're "such hard workers," and you're glad that they overcharge so much at the liquor stores in the projects.
You have a bumper sticker that reads, "They will take my guns when they can pry my cold, dead finger from the trigger."
When you hear the phrase, "budget cut-backs for the military," you turn eight shades of red & start cussing convulsively.
When you see the Supreme Court on TV, you automatically spew, "Pinko Commie Liberal xxxxxxx!"
You live in a cul-de-sac, in a gated community, drive an "SUV"(yuppie station wagon), belong to the PMRC, wear matched knit outfits from Wal-Mart or Bloomingdale's, and consider a vacation to DOLLYWOOD the height of culture.
You think creationism should be taught in schools and Sex Ed taught at home (and it isn't).
You've ever used the words, "dirty," "shameful," "filthy," "depraved," or disgusting" in giving "the sex talk" to your kids, yet you never miss an episode of "Days Of Our Lives" or Jenny Jones.
Your handgun is bigger than your dictionary.
Your collection of dead animals is bigger than your collection of books.
You think the NEA should be eradicated (teach those commie pinko pervert artist to earn a living!) in order to buy more yellow ribbons to tie around every oak tree in America.
You think the American flag is more valuable than the Constitution or the Bill of Rights.
You think hippies that burn the American flag should be burned at the stake, along with gay Boy Scouts and anyone who isn't a God-fearing Christian.
You think that the only taxes that anyone in America should pay would
be on entertainment, food, medical care, Social Security,
disability/welfare, diapers, and the incomes of Democrats.
You believe that huge multi-national conglomerate corporations are being "persecuted" by our government, and it's the government's fault that "everything costs too much."
You're an illiterate drop-out from Texas who went to New England prep schools, your daddy's oil money got you elected governor, got you off from every coke charge, and you can't even pronounce "Cinco de Mayo," -- yet you wanna be President.
You think that cocaine should be legal -- for those who can afford the good stuff; but that Mexican-American teenagers holding a dime bag of weed should serve 22-life. Crack addicts will kill themselves off soon enough; so, no reason to stop the flow of crack that somebody's daddy
started through the CIA. Anyone who is a "crime victim" of a crackhead -- well, they're just hanging out in the wrong neighborhoods.
You firmly believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, Jack Ruby was just a nut, and that the country would have become a "welfare nation" under Jack Kennedy, if that radical hadn't gotten what he deserved.
You want to have Howard Stern publicly hanged, and Rush Limbaugh seated on the Supreme Court.
You think PBS is a condition your wife gets once a month.
You think Sesame Street is "subversive commie subliminal instruction."
You believe that Elvis died of a "colon problem" & "heart trouble," instead of the narcotic constipation that led to a massive stroke. And, you also believe that Elvis was really a black belt in Karate.
You own several vinyl inspirational albums by Jim Nabors, Elvis, and Kate Smith.
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