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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
PROBLEM: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
PROBLEM: Improper bladder control.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
PROBLEM: Glass empty.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
PROBLEM: You have fallen over backward.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
PROBLEM: You have fallen forward.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
PROBLEM: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
PROBLEM: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
PROBLEM: You are being carried out.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
PROBLEM: Bar has closed.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
PROBLEM: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
PROBLEM: You are dancing on the table.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
PROBLEM: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
PROBLEM: You have been in a fight.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
PROBLEM: You've wandered into the wrong party.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
PROBLEM: The beer is too weak.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
PROBLEM: Beer is just right.
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Additional problems identified by aircrew.
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Howdy:
SYMPTOM: Head hurts, hair gone.
PROBLEM: Ceiling fan too close to table.
Wolf:
SYMPTOM: Gash over eye. stitches.
PROBLEM: Poor currency.
(Alpena, 1986).
Delvin:
SYMPTOM: Knees hurt and can't get up.
PROBLEM: Beer just right, ran where there was no ground.
(Savannah Ditch, 1987)
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